Look After Yourself

My name is Jonathan Mbuyi, I am a 21-year-old graduate from Leeds and I will be discussing the importance of wellbeing and self love. I'm wanting to write this a topic because year after year, I think it becomes more and more relevant. It's not to say that what I have to add to the conversation is correct and is superior to what others have to say. But the more people talking about important and significant topics like this, the better. For inspiration, I watch Simon Miller on YouTube. He uses his platforms to have meaningful conversations around topics such as depression. And topics of that nature.

It took me a very long time to understand the importance of these elements. Growing up in my household, the concept of mental health was never discuss

ed. Even as I grew older and started to further my education or when my grandfather passed or when there was a lot of emotional turmoil in the household. It was simply never discussed. Which made me glad to have people in my life that were happy to have those meaningful conversations with me. I was lucky to be able to have my grandma, who I consider to be my best friend, to always talk to about my problems. Whether that may be academic, familiar, financial or what have you. But I also had some really good friends who allowed me to talk about my problems. Or sometimes give me an excuse to get out of the house so I wasn't trapped with my dark thoughts. In my school, it wasn't discussed as much as it should've been. It wasn't prioritised. The same when I went to do A-Levels. I also grew up with the mindset that if you're "attractive", you know you're attractive and it ends there. It took a while for me to realise that many men and women have elements about their appearance that they don't like. I realised that I was wrong to assume that because even I have been complimented. Yet when I look at myself in the mirror, I can see things that I would want to change or don't please me.

I didn't realise how many people suffered from anxiety and depression until I reached my first year of university. I saw a lot of people openly discussing their experiences with mental health and it was very enlightening experience. As my time in university developed, I saw more people speak up with their experiences in these areas and it still continued to shock and surprise me. It was hard to acknowledge people's experiences because it had been so different to what I'd been through. To this present day, people still are opening up to me about their experiences. I don't think I'll ever not be shocked when people discuss these things.

I obviously can't change what people have gone through nor would I ever try to minimalize their experiences, but after everything I've heard people discuss, there are a few things I've realised. These are just certain bullet points that I try to live by and it could be helpful for people out there who are debating or questioning how they could help themselves.

1) Be kinder to yourself -- I believe that in this life that we're living, we're all doing the best that we possibly can. Life isn't going to be ideal 100% of the time and things aren't going to go your way constantly and you'll have your down days. But it's important to remember that even if you have your family, your partner, your bestest friends, you are your own number one ally. You are the only one who is going to be there for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. That's not to say every single person you encounter is going to let you down. It just means that others have their own lives and no one can devote their entire existence to being there for you. It's just not possible. However, you can be there for you at every possible moment.

2) Be kinder to those around you -- You don't know what those around you are having to deal with. When someone is ill, it's very easy notice. Coughing, sneezing among other symptoms. But when someone is dealing with mental health issues, it's not obvious. But a simple "how are you doing?" or just a effortless and kind gesture could change someone's day more than you realise. Plus a simple nice gesture could really improve someone's day or mood and help them. I don't think anyone wants anyone to act in a rude or disrespectful manner so might as well just do our part and treat people with kindness.

3) Surround yourself with good people -- This is easier said than done. If I've noticed anything growing up is that there are a lot of people who will say the most assuring and comforting words but don't back it up when the time matters. What good is it saying to someone, "I'm always here for you?" and never checking up on them? Or never being present when a friend is asking for your help? In this life, it's very hard to meet good people. Extremely hard. And for anyone reading this, I hope you have people around you that love and support you. And not love and support you when it's most convenient for them. But when you need them. There is nothing wrong with needing more support than others. We are all individuals.

4) Don't compare yourself to others -- I found this very hard to come to terms with over my growing years. For a large portion of my life, I felt "undesirable". Due to my 5'5 height and having congenial scoliosis. There were times I wish I was over six feet tall or I looked very, very similar to actor Michael B. Jordan. But then I had to value myself. I have the hair that I have. The face, the body and I'm slowly but surely getting to a point where I can love myself as much as I can. There is no point in looking at someone else and wishing you looked like then because truthfully even the people you think are gorgeous, will have their insecurities. Just because they may have millions of likes on social media or hundreds of thousands of people complimenting them, doesn't mean they don't look at themselves in the window and want to change things. Even if it's something minor. But don't get me wrong. If a genie asked me who I'd want to look like for a day, I'd definitely say Michael B. Jordan.

In conclusion, you never stop learning. And that is valid for everyone. When it comes to self-love and mental health and finding ways to deal with it all, I'm sure my experiences will continue to evolve and my knowledge regarding these things will also evolve over time. I'm no medical professional. The only work related to psychology over the years was a few years at GCSE. Everything I've discussed here today is purely what I've noticed over the last ten years or so. I urge you to speak to a professional or an expert if you're dealing with mental health issues. I can only do so much here.