Daydreaming To Avoid The Loneliness Of Reality
Ever since I was 11 or 12 years old I remember spending way too much dreaming of a "perfect" life in hopes that one day maybe, just maybe it would become real. Not to spoil an ending but to this day that life I dreamt of still doesn't exist.
Turns out excessive amounts of daydreaming is a form of escapism and this daydreaming has a name, it's called maladaptive daydreaming.
Maladaptive daydreaming (MD) is extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning.
All these years it had never occurred to me that how damaging and all-consuming constant daydreaming is, but it is even if you're unable to recognize it.
Here is a video about someone who deals with maladaptive daydreaming who goes into more details about it -
Here are the symptoms of maladaptively daydreaming:
1. Extremely vivid daydreams
You may mistake your daydreams for reality, they can be so vivid to the point of there being characters with their own storylines and there being a whole plot to the story with them.
2. Daydreams triggered by real-life events
Your daydreams can be triggered by everyday things, like something you see or hear that may be seemingly ordinary but they cause you to start daydreaming.
3. Difficulty completing everyday tasks
Your daydreams can become so all-consuming that you don't do the everyday things you need to do, you'd rather keep daydreaming instead.
4. Difficulty to sleep at night
You may find it difficult to fall asleep at night because of the want/need to daydream. To you, it may be more comforting to control what happens in your dreams than to fall asleep where you cannot control what happens.
5. An overwhelming desire to continue daydreaming
Daydreaming may be how you spend the majority of your days because doing anything other than daydreaming may feel unbearable. You may also become irritated if someone interrupts you while daydreaming.
The thing is the older I got I thought I'd grow out of the need to escape reality, but I still haven't. I'm unable to control when I start daydreaming it gets triggered so easily, whether it be something that's said or something I see can make me instantly start daydreaming.
Sometimes it can become obsessive to the point where I can only stay in my bed daydreaming becoming untethered to any sort of reality. I can spend days stuck in my daydream and completely ignore everything in my life.
When I started to become more self-aware of how detrimental my need to escape reality I had to ask myself why. What am I running away from? What am I trying to avoid feeling?
It's taken months for me to be able to finally be honest with myself as to why I feel the need to escape my own reality. It's quite simple, real-life isn't the cookie-cutter life I spend hours dreaming it could be. Real-life is messy, hard, unbearable, and it sinks its teeth into me leaving me immobile and unable to breathe sometimes.
When I daydream I can control who I am and what happens to me, but once I snap back into reality all of that artificial control goes right out the window. I'm thrown back into a world where all I can do is stare blankly into the abyss watching everything fall apart.
A few months ago I had a big falling out with someone I really thought I cared about and that triggered a lot of daydreaming. Even now months later I still catch myself dreaming about them and all these unrealistic scenarios that likely won't ever happen.
When I daydream about them it always goes one of two ways. Either it's all about how it would be if everything had gone right with us, how happy we could've been. Or I dream about my life where I've healed and completely moved on, but it was all just to spite that person for leaving in hopes that they'll reach out and tell me how they regret losing me.
All of that daydreaming to ignore the fact that they left me and it was my fault. And there's no way to put wrap a bow around to make seem pretty. They got to walk away unscathed and I got to get stuck living in my daydreams to cope with all the trauma they gave me.
All these daydreams bring me more comfort and are a lot kinder to me than they ever were to me and maybe that's why I'll never give them up.
Opinions and Perspectives
I never considered how daydreaming could be a form of self-protection until reading this.
The connection between loneliness and excessive daydreaming is something I've experienced firsthand.
Reading this has made me more aware of my own daydreaming patterns. Time to make some changes.
Sometimes I wonder if my daydreams are holding me back from creating the life I actually want.
I appreciate how the article explains the scientific term while still keeping it relatable.
The author's journey toward self-awareness is inspiring. It takes courage to face these patterns.
It's interesting how we use daydreams to process our emotions and experiences.
I think acknowledging this behavior is the first step toward finding a healthier balance.
The description of daydreams as a security blanket is perfect. They're comforting but can become a crutch.
I find myself doing this most when I'm feeling stuck or trapped in my current situation.
The part about being unable to wrap a bow around reality really hit home. We can't edit real life like we can our daydreams.
This helped me understand why I create these elaborate scenarios about people who've left my life.
I've noticed my daydreaming increases when I'm avoiding difficult decisions or conversations.
The comparison between controlled daydreams and uncontrollable reality is particularly insightful.
I relate to the author's struggle with letting go of daydreams because they're kinder than reality.
The article made me realize how much time I've lost to these fantasies. It's actually quite scary.
I wonder if this is more common now with all our digital distractions and social isolation.
The description of feeling immobile in real life really resonates. Sometimes reality feels too heavy to handle.
I've started setting timers to limit my daydreaming. It helps me stay more present in reality.
Anyone else feel like their daydreams are more vivid than their actual memories sometimes?
The part about snapping back to reality is brutal. It's like waking up from a pleasant dream into a nightmare.
I appreciate how the article doesn't completely demonize daydreaming while still addressing its harmful aspects.
The comfort these daydreams provide is undeniable, but at what cost to our real lives?
This explains why I have such a hard time focusing on tasks. My mind is always wandering to these elaborate scenarios.
I find it interesting how we use daydreams to rewrite our personal histories and create better endings.
The description of living in bed lost in daydreams reminds me of my worst periods of depression.
I relate to dreaming about healing just to spite someone. It's a form of revenge fantasy that never really satisfies.
The vivid nature of these daydreams is what makes them so addictive. They feel so real sometimes.
I wonder if there's a genetic component to this. My parent seems to daydream excessively too.
The author's description of using daydreams to cope with trauma really struck a chord with me. It's a powerful coping mechanism.
Reading this made me realize how much my daydreaming increased during the pandemic when I was isolated.
The inability to control when daydreaming starts is frustrating. It's like my mind has a mind of its own.
I used to think I was the only one who did this. It's comforting to know others experience it too.
The part about becoming self-aware of the behavior is crucial. You can't address something until you recognize it's a problem.
I think therapy could be really helpful for this. It's helped me understand why I escape into daydreams.
The description of daydreams being triggered by real-life events is spot on. Even small things can spark hours of fantasy.
I've noticed my daydreaming gets worse when I'm lonely. It's like creating imaginary friends as an adult.
Does anyone else create entire characters with detailed backstories? Mine feel like real people sometimes.
I think it's brave of the author to share this. It's not something people usually talk about openly.
The control aspect really resonates with me. In my daydreams, I can fix all my mistakes and make better choices.
I find it interesting that the author started this behavior at 11 or 12. That seems to be a common age for many of us.
Sometimes I wonder if social media makes this worse. We're constantly seeing idealized versions of other people's lives.
The symptom about becoming irritated when interrupted is so true. I get unreasonably angry when someone pulls me out of my daydream.
It's fascinating how our minds create these detailed alternate realities as a form of self-protection. The human brain is incredible.
I never considered how daydreaming could interfere with academic or vocational functioning, but looking back, it definitely affected my college years.
The part about daydreaming about someone who left really touched me. I do this too, creating these perfect scenarios that never happened.
I appreciate how the article distinguishes between normal daydreaming and maladaptive daydreaming. It's helped me understand where to draw the line.
The description of becoming untethered from reality for days at a time is frightening. I've been there and it's like losing chunks of your life.
Has anyone successfully reduced their maladaptive daydreaming? I'd love to hear some practical strategies that worked for others.
The cookie-cutter life versus messy reality comparison really got to me. We're all chasing some idealized version of life that doesn't exist.
I'm a mental health professional, and it's important to note that while daydreaming can be maladaptive, it can also be a coping mechanism during difficult times.
What struck me most was how the author described controlling their daydream world versus the chaos of reality. That's exactly why I retreat into my imagination.
I've found that keeping a journal helps me process reality instead of escaping into daydreams. It gives me a healthy outlet for those feelings.
Does anyone else feel physically drained after intense daydreaming sessions? Sometimes I feel more tired than if I'd actually done something.
The author's honesty about their falling out with someone and the resulting fantasy scenarios is something I deeply relate to.
I'm curious about the connection between trauma and maladaptive daydreaming. My daydreaming definitely increased after some difficult life events.
Reading this made me realize how much time I waste living in my head instead of engaging with real life. It's scary when you add up all those hours.
Actually, I disagree about daydreaming being entirely negative. Many artists and writers channel their daydreams into creative works. It's about finding balance.
The sleep difficulty symptom really resonates with me. I often lie awake for hours, lost in these elaborate scenarios I've created.
While I understand the concern about maladaptive daydreaming, I think some level of imagination and fantasy is healthy and necessary for creativity.
I struggle with this too, but I've found meditation helps me stay more grounded in reality. Has anyone else tried mindfulness techniques?
The part about daydreams being triggered by everyday things is so accurate. Sometimes just a song or a random conversation can send me into a completely different world.
This article really hits home. I find myself constantly escaping into elaborate daydreams, especially during stressful times. It's like a security blanket I can't let go of.
I never knew there was a term for this. I've been doing this my whole life and thought I was just weird or had an overactive imagination.