Why Being Single Is A Vital Season Of Your Life

Image source: Pep Streep from psychology today

Many times culture tries to tell us that being single is bad. Or that it is not valuable. This is because culture has glamorized relationships. Take some time and think about the relationships that you think are perfect. Many of the relationships you’ve seen online, whether celebrities or even people you went to high school/college with, are jacked up. When people don't love themselves as much as they should, or worse not at all, they often find themselves stuck in situationships/relationships they want out of. 

Now I’m not saying relationships are bad, I’m just saying they take work. They take a lot of work on both sides and not everyone posts about the arguments or the differences between people that come to light when you are in a relationship. In other words, being in a relationship exposes who you are even more! So if you do not spend enough time being single, you will bring these problems, the trauma, and unresolved emotions into the relationship.

Think of it as your room. You can either keep a clean room, a dirty one, or a hybrid of both (which is still a dirty room, you just got good at hiding things). Most people who get into relationships have one of these three. However, there is always someone who has more “dirt” than the other one. Nonetheless when you bring someone into your dirty room, you expect them to help clean up the mess. Even if they didn’t make it, especially if they stay there a while! It's the same dynamic in a relationship, when you have unresolved issues and bad habits. 

Relationships take work, yes, but guess what? They take even more work, when you don't spend enough time being single! Being single gives you the much needed time and space to focus on yourself! So whether that's going to the gym, breaking bad habits, or even forming new ones, embrace the journey. Being single allows you to improve upon yourself and become a greater person, inside and out!

Image Source: Blogs from Christian women

Being single is vital to your relationships and future partnerships (romantic or otherwise). This means your relationships to family members, to coworkers, to business partners, to friends, to romantic interests, and most importantly with yourself! Yes, you have a relationship with yourself. Improving your relationship with yourself allows you to unlock your inner passions and interests, while also granting you grace to heal, to make mistakes, and to get back up. 

Your mindset is key! One of my favorite quotes is from Russ’ mom: “What if it could turn out better than you can imagine?” When you go on your journey of singleness, your mindset changes. Now everyone is different. Sometimes it's instant and sometimes you might have to discipline yourself and incorporate new activities and habits into your life. Over time you will notice your mindset shift and you will see that you are full of gratitude and have a new perspective on life!

Now you may be wondering, “How am I going to do this?” It starts by asking yourself questions. Many times throughout your life, you ask yourself "who am I?" but none more than when you are single. If you're not careful, you will go to other people for your identity. You will seek them out, and they will tell you lies! Your season of singleness is the time to uncover your identity. This is your time to discover or even rediscover who you are! Whether you have never been in a relationship, you are engaged, or even if you are divorced, you are single! 

Singleness promotes self discovery which leads to self love. 

Singleness primarily promotes self discovery which leads to self love. This is because you are by yourself. There is no one telling you what to do. There is no one else you're responsible for (unless you have a pet). You do not have to check in with anyone. You do not have to ask to go out. You have freedom in every aspect of the word! Namely free time. Time to self discover, to dig and see what you are made out of. This can lead you to doing more things for yourself, or even being selfless by volunteering in your community. It's all up to you! Now this can be tricky to balance because then you might get the feeling of loneliness. However, please remember this: it can be lonely at times, but remember these times because you will look back and see that it is all a part of the process. Being lonely never feels great. Acknowledge your feelings. Your feelings are valid. Let me say that again for everyone in the back! Your feelings are valid! The key is to not let your emotions take over, and wallow in loneliness. Introduce your head to your heart, and remember as Russ states: “ain’t no destination … the journey is everything.”  

4 very important questions you should ask yourself in your season of singleness

Image Source: Ask questions to improve your leadership from skiprichard.com

Ask yourself these questions if you want to improve and form better self love habits:

     1. How do you talk to yourself on a daily basis?

Are you always talking down to yourself or are you raising yourself up? Did you even know you have the power to do that? Do you say “Hey, you look good!” or “Hey, good job today!’ even if all you did was wash clothes or wash the dishes! Asking yourself this will greatly increase your self awareness, into how you talk to yourself. It will also uncover some things like: why you talk to yourself in that way, in that tone. Maybe something happened during your childhood that caused you to lower your self esteem or your confidence in yourself. Or maybe adult figures in your life talked down to you or even to themselves. Even better, maybe it’s a defense mechanism, distraction, or even pride!! Yes, pride! Pride doesn’t always look like “Oh I got this achievement or accolade!” It can also look like “No one ever talks to me” or “No one ever calls me to see how I’m doing!” 

     2. Are you self aware?

Self awareness can look like a lot of different things. According to Google, the definition of self awareness is “conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires.” In reality it looks like trying different hobbies or interests. Such as learning to play an instrument, reading books, or even doing things that scare you! On a deeper level it means doing a lot of self reflection and learning to let go of offenses and past wrongdoings. This can be something that happened to you, maybe actions that you did to others, or even forgiving yourself for past behavior. This is an imperative time to forgive yourself. It's ok to say “I did my best.” It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Steven Furtick: “Do not judge yesterday's mistakes with today’s wisdom.” You have to forgive yourself in order to forgive others. This is truly what being single is all about. Healing and coming in tune with your purpose; fundamentally uncovering who you are! In doing so, no one can define you, no one can step all over you. This will also mean that you might have to “audit your circle.” It’s a phrase a lot of people in business use when talking about mindset. Your mindset changes as you do these things and grow. In turn you might notice that some of your friends may be negative, or you might have to distance yourself from certain family members. Never be afraid to do these things, especially if you know they will never change. It means you're learning to create and live a better and peaceful life. 

     3. Do you show yourself love?

Do you take yourself on dates? If not, take yourself on dates! Go to a nice restaurant and dine by yourself. It might be scary the first couple of times but do it anyway! Do you treat yourself to a spa night once a week, or even once a month? If not, have a spa night! It doesn’t even have to be anything super complex, it can be as simple as taking a nice bath, cooking your favorite meal, or even trying a new recipe. It can also look like reading your favorite novel series again, taking some extra time to do your hair, or even watching your favorite tv show. The main thing is to show yourself love if you don’t already. If you do, try to make it part of your daily, weekly, or monthly routine. It is completely up to you how you want to show yourself love. 

     4. Are you grateful for your life?

Gratitude leads to grace! Yet, it doesn’t happen overnight. Go to a restaurant by yourself and feel embarrassed! Go to the gym to exercise by yourself! Go to the park to sit on a bench and be a part of nature! Go out with friends, do a girls/guys night! Allow yourself the grace to be weird and to make mistakes. This only happens when you express gratitude for being single! Express your gratitude for the life you get to live. It may not be the one you dream of but you can set goals to get there! Declaring your gratitude for things, big or small, goes a long way. 

Image Source: Revive our hearts

Summary

Long story short your season of singleness is vital to yourself and to other relationships in your life. You get the amazing opportunity to chase after what you really want in life, big or small! Being single is not a curse, it's the chance of a lifetime! So ask yourself questions, build your self awareness, and show yourself love. If not you, then who will? How can you expect someone to love you “right” when you don’t know how to love you right? After all, if you're not comfortable being by yourself, how do you expect others to be? Just some food for thought, enjoy the journey, and focus on yourself. It sounds easier said than done, but it's worth it in the end!