Why Are People Manipulative?

The people who manipulate seek to create an imbalance by manipulating others mental and emotional sides. By doing so, the victim gets controlled with the single purpose of making the other happy and putting aside their own happiness. Overall it’s about getting complete power over the other with benefits and privileges at the expense of the victim. 

People are emotional creatures with their thoughts, behaviors, and lifestyle that suits them. Some people act alike and get along great, then there are others who don’t like each other. The relationship between two or more people is reliant on the background in which the individual grew up, the habits they learned from others, and personal way of dealing with themselves, which usually conflicts with others. An example is two friends who have known each other for years, even being best friends and making plans together. Then the one day they both waited for happens and they move in together. Seven months later, they find they’re not compatible and the friendship is forever in a rocky state. The same can be said for relationships. They begin great and turn into something better or worse. The topic I will be covering is “Leeching” through “Manipulation” tactics.

“Because to take away a man's or Woman's freedom of choice, even his/her freedom to make the wrong choice, is to manipulate him as though he were a puppet and not a person.” 

― Madeline L'Engle

What Is A Leech?

A person who clings to another for personal gain, without giving anything. They typically exhaust the other’s resources like a parasite.

• They’ll Take The Couch

It begins as a sleepover with innocent intentions. Eventually, they’ll make it theirs and make it a habit to stay over at their convenience. 

• They Never Have Money

This is a red flag! They tend to be broke all the time, but still want to partake in events. They even like to go out to have fun and expect the expense to come from someone else’s pocket. Though they have a card to use, for some reason they don’t have any money to spend. 

• They Can Be Cheap or Expensive

They don’t like spending their money and hold on tight to it. Or if they do have money, it’s for their own selfish reason, which leaves the person who helped them in the dark. Again, they can have a 40 hour a week job but will have much more fun using another account to make that happen.

Imagine living with a leech who you thought would never be the person who could be so cruel. This cycle can spiral from a previous relationship or living style they dragged with them since they don’t know any better. There are some folks out there who don’t know better and need a heavy life lesson to wake up. The others know exactly what they’re doing and choose not to change because they don’t see any reason to give in to change. Coming from a past experience in which time and effort were put into someone to create a better life for themselves, while giving up time and energy for them, let’s just say they turned chicken and returned to the cage where they felt safer. The only time leeching is acceptable is when one has a dear friend who wants to take them places exclusive to the public or if someone offered to pay on their behalf. This is the only scenario where the leech is not at fault, but the spender who opened that door let it happen. It’s a habit that’s best used for rare accusations in which one can not get mad at the leech having fun at their expense.

More Meanings of A Leech:

• An example of a leech is someone who befriends an elderly person in order to get their money.
• To leech means to cling to something or take all that thing has.
• One that preys on or clings to another - a parasite.
• To drain the essence or exhaust the resources of.
• To attach oneself to another in the manner of a leech.
• A person who clings to another to gain some personal advantage; parasite.
• A person who takes without giving - A freeloader.
• A person who profits from others.

What To Consider

They use mind games to take power in the relationship, hence, controlling the other. Exploiting the elements gives them what they want and desire without a care for the others well being. Let’s look at some examples.

• Maintain Home Court

Empower and control the environment to their satisfaction.

• Get Close Very Fast

Divulge information about themselves to gain trust and in exchange expect the same information from others. This is how they use the sensitivities against others to get them on a mental leash. 

• Makes You Feel sorry For Speaking Your Concerns

It’s healthy at first to exchange information to build trust and loyalty, but it can get dark. Being with the other allows them to make commands based on their mood, which can cause the other to act in an irrational way that makes no sense. Simple life problems become headaches and any annoyances must be shut down. Though the person knows it to be wrong, they get verbally bullied for speaking up.

• Diminish Your Problems and Play Their Own

If someone is having a bad day and needs to vent, the manipulation will shut them down and talk about their own. It’s about them and less about the other.

• Acting Helpless

People can learn and need to learn skills in life, it’s how it’s supposed to be. However, some don’t bother learning, they act innocent and put very little effort into self-improvement. Like looking for a job, helping a mother-in-law keep the house clean, and the most heinous of all – letting their spouse work while they stay home.

• Not Taking Accountability 

They don’t accept responsibilities for what they do but are quick to call out others on theirs. When turned around, they don’t react kindly and become aggressive as they become triggered, but don’t mind doing it to others. They just like to make people feel guilty for everything.  

• Leave You Questioning Your Own Sanity

The correct term here is called “Gaslighting”, a method people use to make others believe they can’t trust their own instincts or experience. 

After all is said and done, it’s not about who has the most power in the relationship, or who is smarter, it’s about working as a team and letting the other live in a way that makes them happy without getting in the way too much. So are manipulators and leeches the same? Frankly, they both are terrible and need help. From friendships to relationships, there’s always one around who wants the easy way out – that’s what you call a dreamer, someone who sees the dream, but it will never happen because they put no effort. Everyone has a personal choice of who they want in their circle and decides how they get treated. Choose the right people who don’t manipulate or leech off you because it can change your life in ways, you’d never think possible. This experience will leave anyone extremely distrusting of others with mental and physical guards to prevent the same experience again, but there’s also a chance to never recover too.