How To Be A Low-Key Creep While Talking To Your Crush

Have you ever had a crush that just doesn't seem to take a hint? Follow these steps and he's sure to notice you!

Step 1: Stalk the social medias

Look him up on social media and check it regularly.  This is always the first step because social media will tell you a lot about a person, and if he’s already taken, you don’t want to be wasting your time.  

Pay attention to his timeline, notice how he shares political commentary but spaced out between funny memes; clever. He wants to show he stays relevant but doesn’t want to overdo it.

Scroll past the pictures of him and his guy friends, but notice how one of them is actually really cute. Stop at the pictures with a skinny blonde girl making duck faces; a false alarm, it’s his friend from high school.  Whew, that was close.

Sometimes, you'll encounter a man that is not on social media, or he rarely posts.  This can be infuriating, but it can also be a good thing.  I've encountered a few guys in the past that aren't very active on their socials, and it's been super helpful for my anxiety. 

Instead of seeing them hang out with other women who may or may not be "just friends", I was able to push my anxious thoughts aside and focus on our conversations. 

The way to stalk these pre-computer age anomalies is to treat it like dating before technology (I know, wild right?).  Interrogate the mutual friend who introduced you with any questions about your crush.  Since they set you two up, they'd love to help!

Step 2: Ensure in-person interactions

Memorize his schedule so you can “accidentally” bump into him in the library as he’s walking to his bio lab, which just so happens to be in the same direction as your math class.  

Ask him how his day is going, and when he mentions he’s a rapper, ask for how long, but don’t sound too eager. That might scare him away.  Try not to look at how his short-sleeve button-down shirt shows off his muscled arms, and the way his chain drapes subtly around his neck; classy but not flashy.  

Push down the blush rising to your face as he laughs at one of your jokes, giving you a bright white smile.  Give a quick hug as you part ways, ignoring the scent of his cologne. 

Here's a tip to help you go one step further: decide on your own signature scent when you see them.  His brain will start to associate you with what you smell like, say flowers or oranges, and the next time he's around flowers or oranges, he'll think of you! 

Bonus points if he sends you a "thinking about you" text.  I did this for a guy once and it worked really well!  I'm pretty sure I got extra hugs because of it.

Step 3: Give an abundance of cuteness

Send him a snap later in the evening, a cute selfie asking “What’s up?”  Tilt the camera so the lighting is just right. Work with your crappy overhead light to highlight your brown eyes and turn them into melted chocolate.  Smile just a little, no teeth, and make sure your dimple shows up; definitely need to catch the dimple.  

Wait for at least five minutes after hearing the notification bell before opening his response.  Distract yourself by refreshing Snapchat and watching each minute tick by under the unopened response.  Finally, when it says “Received five minutes ago”, open it.  

Take in as much of his beautiful face as you can before the timer runs out; there are no replays allowed. “Just chilling.  Hbu” the caption reads.  Ok, not much to go on, but you can work with this.  Send back a response that says, “Watching Netflix and procrastinating on my homework”; jokes about mutual laziness usually get the ball rolling.

Now feel free to have some freedom with this.  Keep in mind, this article only highlights one possible way this could go, but each of you is different and so are your crushes. The main thing to gather from this step is to just lightly flirt with them when you begin snapping. 

Don't dive all in right away, unless you have that type of rapport with them.  Guys are fragile things when it comes to their emotions, so you don't want to overdo it and have them panic.  Trust me, I've made this mistake before.  I'd start by coming on way too strong and scare them away.  

Step 4: Try to continue the conversation

Notice how he leaves you on reading after a few more snaps.  Don’t freak out, he’s probably just getting ready for bed.  The conversation wasn’t exactly a thriller, but that’s ok.  You’ve only been friends for a few weeks, and these things take time.  

Don’t feel bad that he doesn’t respond, just try not to think about him as you turn over to go to sleep. Don’t think about his cute smile, or his dreamy eyes, or how his unfairly perfect skin seems pore-less. Don’t think about it. Repeat steps 1-4 to continue talking on Snapchat until one of you falls asleep.

I hate to say this, but sometimes he's just a dud.  Maybe he doesn't like texting (rare, but possible), or he's just really shy, but if a guy is interested he will TRY to talk.  If you keep asking questions and getting one-word responses or noncommittal emojis, he's lost interest. 

This is not always your fault; I've had plenty of guys who express interest, only to be totally boring in text conversations for no other reason than they have no personality.  I'd say give it a few more attempts, and if your conversations don't improve, move on. 

Step 5: Subtly get his photo to show your friends

Friend feedback, especially best friend feedback, is extremely important here.  Find a picture of him, hopefully, a clear angle of his face.  If you're grabbing it from his Instagram, Facebook, or Snapchat story, be careful not to screenshot. 

Instead, borrow your friend's phone to take a picture of your screen when you open the story, that way he won't receive a notification that you screenshotted it.  That's a surefire way to get him to realize you're a creep who's totally obsessed with him.  

Don't make the same mistake I did in doing this.  If you're going to take a picture of his story, hide it in an album or somewhere in your photos he won't happen to see it if you need to scroll through them when he's nearby. 

I accidentally did this and he stopped me, asking why I had a picture of him.  Thankfully I blew it off, saying I just wanted to show my friend, and at that point, he knew I wasn't a psycho, but any earlier in the game and he would have been freaked out.

Step 6: Scout out the competition 

So you and your crush have a mutual friend.  When you see a said friend, tactfully steer the conversation towards the other girls your crush may be interested in.  Ask very specific questions because the goal here is to figure out what your crush's type is, and if you fit that type.  

See if you can find out whether he likes blonds or brunettes, thin or thick, tall or short.  If you're really clever, try and get their names to find them on social media.  Stalk their page for a bit and see what they do in their free time, how they dress.  These are important to know if you have a chance.

Now, remember, never ever change yourself for a man.  My parents ingrained that in me since I was a young girl, and I've always stuck to it.  It's not worth it, and this step is not saying to do that. 

By scouting out the competition, you are merely figuring out whether or not he has a type, thus helping you in your decision to pursue.  For example, if I see a guy who only dates blond women, I'm probably not even going to attempt to waste my time since I am not blond.  

Step 7: Prove you're his best option

The next time you talk to him, casually bring up how good of a girlfriend you'd be to the right guy.  Make sure he knows that if he turns you down, he's missing out on a lot. 

Get him to laugh so he sees he'll never get bored with you.  Share your corny dad jokes; if that doesn't make him laugh he's probably not meant for you anyway.  Lightly touch his arm when he makes you laugh, men can be kind of clueless but this is one aspect of body language that every man knows.  

Use what you know about him and play it to your advantage.  You know he likes alternative music; mention the up-and-coming band that will be performing in your city.  Talk about their newest single and how it connected with you on a unique level.  Ask him how he got into their music, and why he keeps listening.

I always do my research on the guy before talking him up.  That's why step 1 is so important. If it's going really well, we fall into a natural rhythm in the conversation based on our mutual likes and dislikes.

Step 9: Decide if you're using the jealousy card

This is where it gets a little tricky because this step is more on a case-by-case basis. If you know him well enough to judge whether the jealousy card will work, then by all means go for it. 

However, if you are unsure, play it safe for now.  We don't want him automatically backing off if it sounds like another man already has your attention. Make note of if and how he asks you about your other potential dates.  Sometimes, if he says one thing enough, it can reveal what he's thinking.

For example, when I was talking to one guy, he kept mentioning how he knew I was seeing other guys and that there was no way I was only talking to him.  I told him each time that no, in fact, I wasn't. I don't know if he believed me, but the fact he kept asking proved he was in some way invested in my response. 

Step 10: Revel in your work

If he's smart, your crush will totally ask you out.  Follow these steps to guarantee a date!

I've used them on multiple guys to propel our conversations and the budding relationship.  They don't always work, but that's because not every man is going to be a good fit.  Remember, if he's not interested, move on!  You deserve someone who is going to give you their full attention.