A Real-life Event Of A Battered Woman Who Becomes Lifesaver

One day I will kill him?” I thought to myself. “I cannot bear this anymore looking at my fresh wounds but fear of leaving him overpowered me every moment of my existence. My friends and colleagues always tell me to pack my things and leave him. From a battered woman’s perspective, it was just not that easy to pack and go (seems like going on an unplanned vacations). It needs courage, perseverance, and resilience to fight the entire world instead of facing one person.  
Oh, I forgot to tell you about myself. I am Brenda Sharma 53 years old, based in Houston and I am a proud survivor of an abusive relationship that I left peacefully. It was not easy but in my opinion one should give it a try at least just for once in her lifetime to overcome the fear of unknown.
 
To understand the bitter truth about relationships in post-pandemic world is quite complicated. Men are in constant pressure to provide for their families, whereas women endure the pressure of child, losing job, anxiety, and loneliness. Many relationships fell apart. Although, the context of domestic violence remains the same. Power and control to dominate.  
In this situation, reading and doom scrolling about abusive relationships is not enough just to leave them. You need some homework, a base, or a framework, and some collection of events. Collection of events is a term that I refer to as those incidents, tortures, battering and rejected remarks that you cannot forget and forgive. To leave the toxic relationship, you cannot forget these events.  
What I mean from ‘base’ is that you should have some solid grounds for yourself before you plan to leave that man who is worse than a Beelzebub.  
Now, like many others, I have become a coach for women who are struggling to deal with domestic violence. Sad part is that we did not realize what exactly is a toxic person and when that person becomes abusive verbally, emotionally, and physically. Words cannot be seen but bruises and marks are visible to everyone. Why are we still trying to understand what an abuse is? It is not same in every culture or language but one feeling of pain, helplessness and despair is same across the world.  
The root cause of an abusive relationship is embedded in the patriarchal culture of societies.  
It has psychological implications also.  
But the point is why someone suffers from the obnoxious behavior of their partners for an unlimited period. The reason is stereotypical gender roles, fear of unknown, low self-esteem, poor financial condition, and lack of support from family and friends.  
Lenore E.A. Walker mentions in his book “The Battered Woman Syndrome” the sociocultural implications of domestic abuse in our societies. The dilemma of abusive behavior and relationships is as complex as the societal structure itself. 
According to Walker “to study the impact of violence in the total context of our lives will be able to better understand its social and interpersonal etiology as an aid to prevent and stop violence".  
 
 
 
 
 
Toxic relations are like cancer. If left untreated can malign your mind, body, heart, and soul. The term toxic relationship was coined by Dr. Lillian Glass who tells that the toxic relations can exist in all social situations and relations we are in, and these toxic and negative relations often lack mutual respect and support for one another.  
 
Now, it is time to reflect on a ‘moving on’ plan to stand on a solid ground before planning to leave the relationship full of venom. It is best to equip yourself with the skills (like a soldier prepares for the war) to be on your own.  
Get yourself a job and make money for yourself. It will give you sense of fulfillment and savings to get a new place of your own. Going out for the job would make him feel upset. Therefore, remote work option is always there. Think about it.  
Make some trusted friends who can help you with all those little things and support you need to fly on your own. It is intimidating to think of leaving your abuser, but it is possible.  
Get help from a psychologist who can help you prioritize your goals and make clear framework through which you can achieve them without panicking.  
Recall your rich memories from the past which makes you happy and cheerful. Start connecting with your old friends, hobbies, leisure pursuits and what not which you love to do.  
Stop self-blaming because studies have suggested that batterer is not responsible for the abusive behavior, but it is indeed rooted in the psychological, and sociological mindset to exercise power and control over women and children. 
I used the same plan to move on steadily and peacefully with myself. There were no confrontations, intense arguments, yelling or begging. I had it enough all those years I spent with my ex-husband. I wanted to move on with clear and relax mind. So, I did the same. I had two kids who came with me. I started my life again. In fact, I re-build it. So why not you? 
Strong and independent woman is a challenge for aggressive and patriarchal men. To look in their eyes with full confidence is what is the first step towards violence free future. 
 
 
 
Oh, I forgot to tell you about myself. I am Brenda Sharma 53 years old, based in Houston and I am a proud survivor of an abusive relationship that I left peacefully.  
 
To understand the bitter truth about relationships in post-pandemic world is quite complicated. Men are in constant pressure to provide for their families, whereas women endure the pressure of child, losing job, anxiety, and loneliness. Many relationships fell apart. Although, the context of domestic violence remains the same. Power and control to dominate.  
In this situation, reading and doom scrolling about abusive relationships is not enough just to leave them. You need some homework, a base, or a framework, and some collection of events. Collection of events is a term that I refer to as those incidents, tortures, battering and rejected remarks that you cannot forget and forgive. To leave the toxic relationship, you cannot forget these events.  
What I mean from ‘base’ is that you should have some solid grounds for yourself before you plan to leave that man who is worse than a Beelzebub.  
Now, like many others, I have become a coach for women who are struggling to deal with domestic violence. Sad part is that we did not realize what exactly is a toxic person and when that person becomes abusive verbally, emotionally, and physically. Words cannot be seen but bruises and marks are visible to everyone. Why are we still trying to understand what an abuse is? It is not same in every culture or language but one feeling of pain, helplessness and despair is same across the world.  
The root cause of an abusive relationship is embedded in the patriarchal culture of societies.  
It has psychological implications also.  
But the point is why someone suffers from the obnoxious behavior of their partners for an unlimited period. The reason is stereotypical gender roles, fear of unknown, low self-esteem, poor financial condition, and lack of support from family and friends.  
Lenore E.A. Walker mentions in his book “The Battered Woman Syndrome” the sociocultural implications of domestic abuse in our societies. The dilemma of abusive behavior and relationships is as complex as the societal structure itself. 
According to Walker “to study the impact of violence in the total context of our lives will be able to better understand its social and interpersonal etiology as an aid to prevent and stop violence".  
 
 
 
 
 
Toxic relations are like cancer. If left untreated can malign your mind, body, heart, and soul. The term toxic relationship was coined by Dr. Lillian Glass who tells that the toxic relations can exist in all social situations and relations we are in, and these toxic and negative relations often lack mutual respect and support for one another.  
 
Now, it is time to reflect on a ‘moving on’ plan to stand on a solid ground before planning to leave the relationship full of venom. It is best to equip yourself with the skills (like a soldier prepares for the war) to be on your own.  
Get yourself a job and make money for yourself. It will give you sense of fulfillment and savings to get a new place of your own. Going out for the job would make him feel upset. Therefore, remote work option is always there. Think about it.  
Make some trusted friends who can help you with all those little things and support you need to fly on your own. It is intimidating to think of leaving your abuser, but it is possible.  
Get help from a psychologist who can help you prioritize your goals and make clear framework through which you can achieve them without panicking.  
Recall your rich memories from the past which makes you happy and cheerful. Start connecting with your old friends, hobbies, leisure pursuits and what not which you love to do.  
Stop self-blaming because studies have suggested that batterer is not responsible for the abusive behavior, but it is indeed rooted in the psychological, and sociological mindset to exercise power and control over women and children. 
I used the same plan to move on steadily and peacefully with myself. There were no confrontations, intense arguments, yelling or begging. I had it enough all those years I spent with my ex-husband. I wanted to move on with clear and relax mind. So, I did the same. I had two kids who came with me. I started my life again. In fact, I re-build it. So why not you?