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People often tend to think that self-criticism is the negative talk that happens within our heads destroying our peace of mind and that it takes us closer to failure, so they try getting rid of self-criticism on the whole. Yet others, think that self-hatred and self-deprecation motivates one to work better. Alas, self-criticism doesn't work in that manner.
Then, what is self-criticism? How does it work? And, most of all, how do you use it for your good?
First, let's make the idea of self-criticism clear by giving it a simple definition, which goes like this, “Self-criticism is the act of evaluating oneself, in aspects like their performance in work and their behavior.” Do you see it? The definition itself has no such phrase which implies that self-criticism is always negative or harmful. This is explained well, in a quote by Yong Kang Chan, in which he says,
“Maybe self-criticism isn’t the problem, but rather how we react to the criticism that is the problem.”
Before we go any further into the topic, one needs to understand that critical thinking is not something one can stop doing. The human mind rarely rests. Studies prove that in a day the average person has about 12000 to 60000 thoughts, of which 80% is covered by the negative thoughts and 95% are repetitive thoughts. At the same time, it is also estimated that we have 300 - 400 self-evaluation thoughts per day. This proves that self-critical thoughts are a part of human nature.
So, it must be clear by now that doing away with critical thinking is not the possible way to get rid of the self-criticism that's been impelling you to negativity, making you visualize it as a negative concept on the whole, always.
The next step is to dig out the thin line of difference between the unsparing self-criticism and the one with a positive impact.
Research has proved that self-criticism is harmful only when it is done with no limits set to it. Self-criticism leaves you with a scar only when you overdo it, usually with a perfectionist idea to things. Such self-criticism no doubt leads to depression as corroborated by research, as it has the trait of judging a person instead of judging his/her work or behavior, which steers the way to self-doubt. It compels you to be vague in the area you are trying to be critical about, and thus makes the process unbalanced, leaving you palsied. This happens to be the main reason one feels discomfort with a sense of negativity when the topic of self-criticism is brought up.
When self-criticism has a limit set for it, it pushes you forward and helps you grow. The purpose of such self-criticism is to help find the reason and the solution to one's problems. This kind of self-criticism is termed as constructive self-criticism.
Now that you know that the form of self-criticism that you have been rehearsing is not the right method, first, understand that you are not the only one in it. It is just fine to not know everything right from the beginning, after all, we weren't born geniuses. But, it is not fine to be aware of something wrong that you have been doing and do nothing about it. So, here are a few steps to make the process of self-criticism into a yielding and healthy approach.
" If it doesn't work out, just let it go. Whatever happens, don't let it make you crazy."
As mentioned earlier, constructive self-criticism specifically focuses on the work or the behavior, instead of the person itself. So, now instead of focusing on the personality, focus on behavior. That is, focus on modifiable aspects which are shouting to you for improvement, instead of focusing on the unchangeable ones.
“Take criticism seriously, but not personally. If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.”
- Hilary Rodham Clinton
" We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with."
As the quote clearly says, our environment and the people around us majorly influence our thoughts and thus our behaviors. So, make sure you are in the company of positive-minded people, who inspirit you to strive for better.
To conclude, remember that flaws don't lie in self-criticism. They lie in the way you do it. It is you who paves your path to negativity from the very moment you begin overdoing it.
Perfectionism in self-criticism only causes harm and leaves you paralyzed. But, neither perfectionism nor self-criticism is something that one can't change. You are just a decision away from each of those things that you want to change.
So, you have two options to choose from, one is to let your inner critic control your thoughts and the second is to use your thoughts to control your inner critic. What are you going to choose?
I never thought about self-criticism this way before. The distinction between constructive and destructive criticism really opened my eyes
The statistic about 12000-60000 thoughts per day with 80% being negative is pretty shocking. Makes me wonder how many of my own thoughts are unnecessarily negative
I appreciate how the article emphasizes that self-criticism isn't inherently bad. It's all about how we approach it and use it
That Yong Kang Chan quote really resonates with me. Our reaction to criticism matters more than the criticism itself
I struggle with being too harsh on myself. The suggestion about treating yourself like you would a loved one makes so much sense
The part about setting smaller goals initially really speaks to me. I often try to change everything at once and end up overwhelmed
Anyone else find it interesting that we have 300-400 self-evaluation thoughts daily? That seems like a lot to process
I actually disagree with the idea that we can't stop critical thinking. Through meditation, I've learned to quiet those thoughts
The Hillary Clinton quote about taking criticism seriously but not personally is gold. I'm going to write that one down
Interesting point about checking if criticism is valid. Sometimes our inner critic isn't telling us the truth
Looking at my past experiences, the article is spot on about perfectionism being paralyzing
I think the article could have gone deeper into techniques for developing self-compassion
The part about replacing negative words with positive ones seems oversimplified. It's not always that easy
I love the practical steps outlined for healthy self-criticism. Going to try implementing these
That Jim Rohn quote about being the average of five people we spend time with hit hard. Time to reevaluate some relationships
I've actually found that some negative self-talk motivates me. Anyone else experience this?
The distinction between criticizing the work versus the person is crucial. Wish I'd learned this years ago