If They Really Wanted To Would They?
The answer from a lot of people is only ever yes or no, it can only be one of those two. It’s always if they wanted to they would, and if they didn’t then they never really wanted it. But, what if they wanted to and didn’t know how?
The thing is that it isn’t always just yes or no, and a lot of people tend to believe that it’s one or the other. Inherently the phrase “if they wanted to they would'' is not full proof, it’s oversimplified and a little ableist if you really think about it.
It doesn’t take into account the abilities & limitations of someone who may want to, but simply lack the tools to be able to. It assumes that most of the time that someone simply doesn’t want to, it doesn’t allow the idea of them being incapable of wanting to do something to exist.
Put in another way, think about the number of things that you have done that you didn’t want to & things you haven’t done but wanted to. It’s the same concept, the things you haven’t done are things you don’t know how to do or don’t have the ability to do. And it doesn’t mean you want those things any less, you simply don’t know how to have them.
Whenever I hear “if they wanted to they would" I always think about an old friend of mine who is a shining example of why that phrase isn’t always reality. This friend and I would talk about people he really liked, you could tell by the way he’d talk about them. Only for all of it to always be followed by the statement: even if I actually like someone I never know how to do anything about it.
It was never about whether or not he wanted them. He did. Simply he had no idea how to and that is no one’s fault. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be, it’s nothing to be sad about because if it was meant to be it would be.
What is meant for you will always be for you and will not pass you by (Bianca Sparacino beautifully explains below how nothing that is meant for you will get away).
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At the end of the day whether or not they wanted to isn’t your business, the bottom line is they didn’t and that’s all you need to know. Even if they wanted to they may not know how to want it, and that isn't your fault nor does it make you any less worthy of love.
Opinions and Perspectives
This article really hits home. I've always struggled with the 'if they wanted to they would' mindset. Sometimes it's not that simple.
I think the author makes a great point about how this phrase oversimplifies human behavior and emotions. We're much more complex than that.
The example about the friend who didn't know how to pursue relationships really resonated with me. I've been in that position myself.
I disagree somewhat. While there might be obstacles, if someone truly wants something, they'll find a way to make it happen.
What about people with anxiety or depression? Sometimes wanting something isn't enough to overcome mental health challenges.
This article opened my eyes to how ableist that phrase can be. I never thought about it from that perspective before.
The part about doing things we don't want to and not doing things we want to really made me think about my own life choices.
I understand the sentiment, but I feel like this could be used as an excuse for people who just aren't putting in the effort.
There's a big difference between not knowing how to do something and not wanting to learn how to do it.
The Bianca Sparacino reference really ties everything together beautifully. What's meant for us will find its way.
Sometimes we need to acknowledge that people might need help or guidance rather than just assuming they don't care enough.
I've been on both sides of this. Sometimes I didn't know how, and sometimes I just didn't want to admit I didn't want to.
The article makes valid points, but we shouldn't completely dismiss personal responsibility either.
Reading this made me reflect on times I've judged others without considering their capabilities or circumstances.
It's refreshing to see someone challenge this common phrase. We need more nuanced discussions about human behavior.
I think there's truth in both perspectives. Sometimes it is about want, and sometimes it's about ability.
The example about the friend really shows how someone can want something deeply but still struggle to act on it.