10 Practical Tips To Improve Your Relationship

Whether you are just beginning a new relationship, or have been in a committed relationship for years, every couple has room for improvement. In this article, you will find practical tips that will dramatically improve your relationship. Now would be a great time to get out a pen and paper, because you're not going to want to forget these tips! For the best results, refer back to this list (or the one you copy down on paper) regularly and put them into action.   

1. Do Not Withhold ANY Information From Your Partner (No Matter How Seemingly Insignificant)

In a relationship, honesty is the most important virtue, because all other good things in a relationship flow from it. You might be wondering, when we say "honesty", what do we really mean by that? Honesty either means complete transparency, or it ceases to exist in a relationship.

There is no such thing as partial honesty. Stretching the truth, altering certain details, and hiding information is all the same thing as deceit. The worst part about being dishonest is that is impossible to kick a lie under the rug and forget about it.

No matter how small an act of dishonesty you have committed, if you do not tell the truth right away, one of two things will happen. Either it will fester and grow in your own mind like a virus over time until your mental health declines, or your partner will find out.

Either way, lies always come back to the surface in one way or another, and when they do, they will cause significantly more damage to your partner than they would have if you just told the truth up front.

Think of lies as taking out a loan. With a loan, you are able to pay off your current debt (by resolving the conflict with your partner), but it comes with a catch. Loans have an interest. Over time, if you do not pay back your loan (tell the honest truth), then the interest will continue to grow until you find yourself in crippling debt (relationship turmoil). The lesson is, don't take out loans. Tell the truth upfront!

2. Have Frequent Relationship Maintenance Talks 

What are "relationship maintenance" talks, you ask? A relationship "maintenance talk" is a conversation that you and your significant other dedicate to checking up on each other, with regards to the relationship. These talks clear up any misunderstandings, convey feelings regarding the relationship, and keep you and your partner on the same page.

Here are some great questions to ask in a relationship maintenance talk:

• "Is there anything I do that you dislike or that makes you feel unloved? What can I do to fix it?"
• "What things do I do that make you feel the most loved and appreciated? How can I do more of those things?"
• "What things do I do well in the relationship, and in what areas do I need to work on?"    

Asking similar questions to the ones listed above will show your partner that you truly care about the relationship, and are willing to do whatever it takes to improve it. Relationship maintenance talks, are also a great time to express your feelings (in a loving, sensitive way) about the things that your significant other does that you like and dislike. This will show them how they can improve and fulfill your needs better.

3. During an Argument, Start Your Sentences off With "I Feel..." Instead of Using Accusatory Speech

Pointing fingers and using aggressive statements that start with "you" never ever result in a conflict resolution. On the contrary, it will cause your partner to feel attacked. When people are backed into a corner, their fight or flight instincts kick in. Your partner will either storm off or attack you back.

So, the healthy alternative to this common form of unhealthy communication in relationship arguments is to simply rearrange your sentences. Drop the word "you" entirely. Instead, bring the focus back on yourself and your emotions. If you begin by saying "I feel x in this situation", your partner has no choice but to honor your feelings and listen.

After all, they can't just say your feelings are wrong. Your feelings are indeed always valid, and if they argue otherwise, there is a serious issue on their part. More often than not, if you begin your sentences with "I feel", your significant other will be more understanding and will have a smaller chance of fighting you about it.   

4. Remember, it's "Us vs. The Problem" not "Me vs. You"

The fastest way for an argument to turn sour and spiral out of control in a relationship is for one or both of you to turn against the other. During every argument, be mindful that your crosshairs are not on your significant other. The moment you realize that the two of you have begun targeting each other instead of the issue, call it out.

Tell your significant other that you are a team, and not supposed to be against one another, rather working in tandem to fix the problem. In the midst of an argument, take a deep breath, swallow your pride, and tell your significant other that you support and love them, and aren't trying to fight them. Remind them of the problem in the relationship.

This will help your partner shift focus to the issue that has arisen, rather than on you. Once you are both focused on the issue instead of each other, you can begin working together to fix it. It's amazing how powerful a simple mindset change like this during an argument can be the difference between a heated argument, and a relationship strengthening conversation.

5. Sacrifice, Compromise, Submit

Possibly the most difficult thing to do in a relationship is to place the importance of the relationship above your own feelings and needs. Consider how much your emotions fluctuate; do you think it reasonable to let them take the driver seat in your relationship? It is not a wise decision to give your emotions that much power.

While your emotional health is important, if you wish to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship, you must learn to put your partner first. Sacrifice your current feelings for the future of your relationship. It's a worthwhile investment, given how your emotions fluctuate.

Take heed not to jeopardize your relationship because you cannot control your emotions. Compromising is the fastest way to maintaining a healthy environment in a relationship. When you compromise, it shows your partner that you care enough to sacrifice your own feelings for the greater good of the relationship.

The best part is that over time, even if you are the only person compromising in the relationship, your partner will naturally begin to compromise also.

Submit to your significant other by placing their needs above your own. This can be incredibly difficult to do at times, especially during an argument. But if you can have the integrity to do this one thing, it will completely change your relationship for the better.

If it sounds counterintuitive to sacrifice to such an extreme degree, just remember that when you are in a relationship, you have willingly sacrificed your individuality to an extent. While you are still a unique and independently acting individual, within the context of a relationship, you are one-half of a greater whole. Place the importance of the whole of your relationship above your half of it, and you will see radical benefits as a result.

6. Play To Your Love Languages

Understanding both your and your partner's love language is vital to the success of your relationship. You can be doing everything seemingly "right" and yet your partner still doesn't feel truly loved and understood. Why?

Because you are loving your partner in the ways that you would want to be loved instead of how they want to be loved. In order to eliminate this common discrepancy in the relationship, you must understand each other's love language.

If you are unsure of your or your partner's love language, I would strongly suggest that both of you take this quick online quiz.

Once you know your significant other's love language, whether it be touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts, or words of affirmation, speak this language frequently and your partner will feel loved in a deeply personal way that they understand. 

In addition, make it clear to your significant other what your own love languages are and encourage them to use that language more often. When a couple speaks each other's love language, the love within the relationship is felt at a much deeper level. The difference is mere sparks versus a roaring flame of love and understanding.

7. Surprise them with something nice to rekindle the spark

This one is for you men out there. Instead of using flowers as an apology after a fight, surprise her with flowers and her favorite candy spontaneously for no other reason than that you love her and she will glow like the sun in joy. There is no faster way to rekindle a flame than to surprise your significant other with something nice as a way to show that you still love and care about them.

Ladies, the age-old saying is true "the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach." If you can surprise your man with food in some way, he will feel loved in the same way you feel when he gets you flowers. There's no better way to show a man that you love him than to feed him. Take it from me, a hungry man can be a ravenous beast if left to suffer in his hunger pangs.

8. Plan Frequent Date Nights

Never stop dating your partner. Whether you are a brand new couple or you have been married for 50 years, date your significant other with the same tenacity and appreciation as when you first began your relationship.

In your busy life, it can be hard to find time to do fun things with your significant other. You may think you don't have time, or there are other responsibilities that you need to take care of. Take heed, having regular date nights could be the difference between a great relationship and a poor one.

Treat dating your spouse or significant other as a duty and a privilege rather than an obligation. You get out of your relationship what you put into it. By having frequent date nights, you will revive the romance in your relationship and keep it burning bright even when life gets stressful. 

9. Never Stop Learning About Your Significant Other

After the initial "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, it can be easy to get comfortable in your communication. After all, you've already been together for a long time now, there isn't much else you really learn about each other? Right? Wrong. I would advise against this thinking, and I'll tell you why.

If you and your partner remained the exact same people year to year, then sure, you wouldn't need to bother learning new things about them. This just isn't the case. Human beings are adaptive and growing creatures that never stop changing. Whether it be physically, intellectually, or spiritually, change is inevitable for all of us. 

With this in mind, take time out of your day to investigate the new developments in your significant other. They are bound to change and develop, so make sure that you never fall behind on all their new wonderful intricacies, ideas, and thoughts about life and the world around us! 

10. Seek to understand and learn about each other's perspectives on difficult topics.

What better way to improve a relationship than to understand each other's perspective on life? Things you should always discuss together are the significant parts of life. Are you on the same page about marriage, children, and religion? How about disciplining children if they are desired in the future?

These difficult conversations are vital to understanding each other on a fundamental level and will help mold both of you into a stronger couple.